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Anatomy of Reciprocity – Man and Woman

Anatomy of Reciprocity – Man and Woman


By Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh.

Anatomy of Reciprocity – Man and Woman


By Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh.


By Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh

Kabbalah sees gender relations as the key to understanding the creation, and the key to understanding the relationship between God and man.

Understanding the relationship between a man and a woman and work on their improvement, using the tools of Kabbalah and Hasidism, not only lead to a dramatic improvement of relations, peace and happiness, but, mysteriously, to the improvement of the universe.
Year Published: 2012
ISBN: 978-965-7146-62-0
Translator: Kochubievskaya, Hadassah Editor: Kochubievsky, Shlomo
Language: Russian
Foramt: 6×9 Hardcover, 275 pp.
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Here is an unusual book, penned an unusual author. Advertise she does not need, it speaks for itself. At first glance it may seem that it appeals to young people to think about finding a life partner and marriage. This, of course, the assumption is true, but not exhaustive. In fact, this book appeals to couples married for many years. Moreover these couples will be able to extract from it suddenly a lot. We know this firsthand. Over the translation and editorial staff we have worked for over a year. (It’s hard to say whether there is communication, but in the meantime we got married two sons …) During this time we have come to understand themselves and each other much better. Became more appreciate and cherish each other, even when there are “violent disagreement” because of this or that wording or the nuances of translation. Without exaggerating, we can say that we are very grateful to the Creator in us mercy and gave the opportunity to work on this book.

* * *

Shlomo and Hadassah Kochubievskie editor and translator


“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, 

not awake and not awaken love, 

until I wish she (herself). “

Song of Songs 

Introduction. Love: Milestones

Love for all ages.

Desire to love inherent in the very essence of our soul. How would busy and loaded above the head, we are, under the cover of routine life rages longing to love and be loved.

Because our world and filled with countless songs about love, because all day long it seeks our heart, and at night she drives us to sleep.

Love – not just one part of the spectrum of our senses; Figuratively speaking, it is the essence of our heart beats, which manifests itself in this case and in particular the specific emotions. Pulsating somewhere in the region of the heart, those feelings only to confuse us, making it difficult to realize that their nature is rooted in love. But it was only necessary to listen to them as they become audible whisper; they whisper all the same secret: they all come from love and they all come back to her. No matter where they appear to be directed all their genuine aspirations are directed toward love.

But love is elusive when looking for it – it is not, and when we find – do not know how to save.

Sometimes it seems that the secret to its simple that we have already solved it and now know how to cope with it. And in each of these cases, love “waiting for us around the corner”, suddenly appearing, stunning us and showing that we still do not understand.

What does she want? How can we know what she needs at every moment? What to do when it does not develop at a pace that from her waiting for?

The key to the answer to these questions can be found in the verse from the Song of Songs: “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not wake, and not awaken love until they wish it [itself].”

This stanza – the main instruction that girl gives his young girlfriend, and she returns to him in the Song of Songs in different versions on several occasions 1 .

Love their desires, and they should listen. Love has its own rhythm and its own pace, and we have to let it proceed in accordance with them.

So love has its own rhythm and its pace, it also has its stage of development. What does it mean to “awaken love before she wish she,” but to customize it to jump onto the stage to which it is not yet ripe? But what else she wants, it does not move to the next stage, when the time came? Love is progressing slowly, with stops and pauses, each of which requires an appropriate relationship.

The purpose of this book – to help the reader become familiar with all stages of love, to learn to be attentive to its rhythm and time to correct mistakes and failures in the relationship. The central image that will accompany us – is gradually growing and growing tree, which, like love: first, it is similar to fruit seeds, planted in the heart, where it grows slowly and then rises to the surface germ, all rising and branching, including the creation mature connection with future husband and, in the end, bears fruit in this world 2 – A new life.

At each stage of love its own characteristics and difficulties, dangers and prospects. On each of them can say “do not wake and not awaken love until she wishes.” Listen to each step carefully nurture it until the time is not yet manifest 3 her true desire.

What instrumentation we can capture a true picture of love, because it is a mystery to us? What tool will be able to outline its path and stages of development? And here we come to the aid of the Jewish sacred Torah – Kabbalah and Hasidism.

Kabbalah and Hasidism called deep layers of the Torah (or the soul of the Torah). They – the inner aspect of the Jewish Torah, revealed that before seeking deeper to learn it.Like all living things, Thor combines both internal and external aspects. Studying only the external aspect of the Torah, without first consulting with internal seriously, like transforming it into a body without a soul (and vice versa, occupation comprehension only the inner aspect of the Torah without incurring obligations imposed by its external aspect, like the transformation of her soul left without a body) 4 .

What is the difference between Kabbalah and Hasidism? They are a two main levels of the internal aspect of the Torah: Kabbalah is a huge collection of secret knowledge of the Torah, containing multiple complex structures, which describe hidden from the naked eye toward reality. Hasidism is a later directed purely theoretical understanding Kabbalistic knowledge, turning it into “the theory and practice of life” for the soul of man and his life, and because of that Hasidism even higher Kabbalah. Using modern computer analogy we can say that Kabbalah – a hardware inner dimension of the Torah (hardware), while Hasidism – its software (software) 5 .

This extremely powerful synthesis of the wisdom of Kabbalah with the inherent Hasidism deepest understanding of the soul gives us an excellent tool for broadening and deepening the understanding of life. One such tool is a rich vocabulary, concepts and images, which can be described as taking place in the soul of the processes up to the finest details and difficult. By using these concepts, and we can begin to learn the language of love and try to penetrate its mysteries.

Communication between the world of the concept of internal aspects of the Torah and the different aspects of our lives – such as, for example, love – built by the conceptual framework. The construction, which we will use in this book is the most basic Kabbalistic model that bears the name of the Tree of Life. The Torah also often referred to as, for example, in the verse, “The Tree of Life is for those who follow it, and happy to support it,” 6 ; but in particular the name refers to the basic structure taken from the secret wisdom of the Torah. Here she is in front of you:

The Tree of Life – a structure consisting of ten (or sometimes, as in our case, of the eleven 7 ) ordered specially components called Sefirot . As you can see, each Sefira has its own name, and they are all connected by a system of straight lines. Sephiroth symbolize strength, or tools through which Gd created the world and through which He continues to maintain its existence every moment. The lines connecting the Sefirot , called pipes ( צינורות tsinorot ), and they represent communication channels between the Sefirot, similar pipeline. Painted a dark color tubes show the main way in which development takes place one Sefirot from another. If we liken the Tree of Life map of railway lines, this path can be likened to the train route, which passes through all the stations in the order 8 , sequentially from one to the other without missing a single one.

This peculiar arrangement Sefirot creates a fundamental structure underlying all aspects of Creation.

All of the most complex phenomena in the Creation Enlarge describe the same concept. It also allows the right to place any components of the phenomenon of the elements relative to each other to better understand the function of each of them in the overall picture. We can say that the scheme Sefirot is a kind of internal map of the universe, reveal to us the hidden system of relationships between its various parts.

The best example of that is able to display the Tree of Life is the human form, both on the part of the body, and from the soul. (Actually, Kabbalah considers these two aspects of human nature as fully complying with one another). This correspondence is indicated in the right part of the circuit in general. In the future, we still come back to this.

It is important to understand that such Kabbalistic construct, as the Tree of the Sefirot , which we are talking, not only are the cards of higher mystical worlds. They are able to accurately explain to us the burning terrestrial phenomena, very tangible here and now.

Practically, in a sense, they do not differ fundamentally from the theoretical models that scientists, psychologists and many other researchers use in their attempts to better understand the world.

The main difference between them is that the scientific models, by definition, are the result of empirical research and rational analysis, whereas the Kabbalistic model is a derivative of a rational analysis of the alloy with a unique inspiration of the Jewish sages of the secret doctrine, which is drawn by them and Over by Jewish sages of previous generations. (In addition, the structure of the Kabbalistic contain spiritual foundations that research usually do not recognize). As a result, the structure of the Kabbalistic reveal diverse aspects and deep relationships that do not exist in the scientific models, and that “tuned” according to the strings of the human soul, and they are able to “play” on them in such a way that other models (play) is not able to 9 .

In this book, we will use the diagram of the Tree of life, to help us to think about and to observe the development of the process of love.

On the basis of the Sefirot try to look in detail at the different stages of love and, using our knowledge of the Kabbalah and Hasidism about each Sefira , to draw conclusions about the nature of the corresponding phase in the development process of love. We will study the properties and problems of each stage, to think about its relationship with the previous and subsequent stages, and wondering what we should do at this point to our love continued to flourish in the future.

Of the tree of life, we will strive to grow “Tree of Love” 10 .

Of course, one could argue that there is not one way of love. Every man and every woman has a story of love, and no model in the world will not be able to cover them all, or even one of them completely. Of course, the Tree of love is not intended to reflect all the stages by which each developed love really is. Its purpose is to show the best stage of development of love, the steps by which love develops ideally from a spiritual perspective. Model “Tree of Love” is designed to give us a benchmark against which we can check the history of our own love: where we are in relation to the Tree? Where are we in a position to go further? Maybe we slipped a vital step, and now it should be filled? The development of our love need not be completely identical to the tree of love, but that does not mean there will not be useful to imitate him, and should try to approach him as an ideal, as close as possible 11 .

An additional question that puzzled reader may ask: what is the relationship between the geometric drawings and love? After all, love – is a living, exciting and warm, it does not matter how close it is to perfection or far it is possible to “to drive” it in the cold circuit of mind, as if she phenomenon of inanimate matter?

That’s right. It is impossible to study the structure of the Sefirot only in terms of intellectual inquiry, cold and ruthless “dissect” the object on the operating table analysis (and tend to “kill” him in the process …).

with בינה bean and תבונה Tvuna , understanding and reason). Itself bean , understanding – this thinking is already taking into account the feelings. Understanding looking for depth in all things, which it is engaged, and thus affects our heart and penetrates it 12 .

More can be seen that the word bean (understanding) and itbonenut (depth consideration) have a common root (ie, connected them sense) with the word מבנה mivne , structure.

Thoughtful consideration seeks to uncover the essence of the object and its internal structure, highlight it in the various components and understand the communication between them. Now you can see that the heart of the object and its external structure just complement each other, rather than contradict one another. It is only necessary to remember to investigate the phenomenon simultaneously with both their outer and inner sides with their heart and search conditions, a fugitive pattern. About every detail of construction is necessary to ask: what is the string in my heart she speaks? What is its emotional weight and how to implement it in our lives? And the like. When we look into the structure so we have a possibility to penetrate its secrets and to highlight its hidden soul.

It is because love is so deep and dear to us, we should not throw her to fend for themselves, enabling it to live almost unconsciously, so to say, “of course.” Love literally begging us to closely look into it, study it, “Device” and shades. Only then can we give it the attention it deserves, and at the same time contribute to its prosperity.

One final note before we start the first chapter: although the system Sefirot likened the Tree, it is important to understand that it is – not an ordinary tree growing from the bottom up, and vice versa: is like an inverted Tree, growing down roots at the top (see diagram). The first three Sefirot (from Keter to Bina ) hidden from view like the roots of the tree;follow them Sefira Daat symbolizes its germination in the ground; next six Sefirot (from Chesed to Yesod ) embody the trunk and branches, and the latest Sefira ( Malchut ) embodies the fruits of that tree gives the world.


Inverted image of the Tree symbolizes the way in which the Almighty speaks to his world and acts upon it. Although Gd is present in everything, for us he is hidden, so we define it as “dwells in the heights” and send us your light “from the top down.”

Inverted Tree of Life is an illustration of how the Creator affects his creation as a whole and for specific creation in particular: He seems to be hiding “on the” Tree of supplying food to its roots, and at the same time as we would abide “under the” Tree of enjoying its fruits 13 .

Similarly, in our development we love otnesёmsya as well as to the process, developing from the top down. This reflects the fact that love is one of the most dramatic and impressive manifestations of the Divine light in our lives. When there is true love, you feel the living presence of a generous gift of Heaven, penetrating into our world and fill it with14 . In addition, the purpose of love is not about to soar in the sky, like unreal Idea (we are not interested in platonic love …), but to come down to earth and become a reality.Description of love as light , coming down to our world, does not contradict the fact that it includes at the same time as the rise and rise of the movement.

The concept of “up” and “down” on the Tree of Life is not always identical to the concept “heaven” and “earth”. System Sefirot describes not only the descent of the spiritual worlds, step by step and the transition from the spiritual to the material, but also the development process from start to finish in a general way.

At a time when we accompany love “down” the Tree Sefirot , let us remember that love itself while “climbs”. This means that the descent of love towards her destiny – this is its ascent. The implementation is the true spirituality.

1. Song of Solomon 2.7; 3.5; 8.4 (various versions of this idea are explained below in Note 3).

 2. After the book was completed, we found the following commentary on the Torah ( Deuteronomy 24.1) known commentator Malbim from his book ” A Torah BEA Mitzvah “:

“… And their love] Rebecca and Isaac [was like planting a tree when it is from a small seed, thanks to the water clinging to the earth, every day more and more expanded and grew stronger; such was their love, which in the beginning was just a spark of love, planted in the furrows of the heart, thanks to the care of her caring she matured and blossomed. ”

3. The expression “I implore you … until you wish it” appears in the Song of three times in two different versions. In the first two cases (2.7; 3.5) says ” what’s the use to wake up and awaken love “, while a third (8, 4) says” why awake and why disturb love. ” The Talmud interprets these three verses as the three vows of the Most High – the first two are meant to the Jewish people, and the third – the rest of the nations of the world (Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Ketubot 111, 1). In our case, we can interpret these three verses as symbolizing the awakening of love: in the first verse is clear categorical objection to the active form of love; in the second verse of this prohibition is repeated; but the third is used ambiguous “why”, which, as it were gives permission at a later stage to begin to awaken love. So, in short three stages: no, no, yes.

4. For the first acquaintance with the wisdom of Kabbalah and Hasidism see. Our book “Introduction to Kabbalah Arizal” and “Gateway to the world of Kabbalah” (in Russian) and ” A-Nefesh “.

5. In the language of Hasidism: while the Kabbalah – the “soul” of the Torah, Hasidism – the “soul” of the soul of the Torah, ie Kabbalah as it is a “body” with respect to Hasidism.

6. Proverbs (3, 18).

7. It will be explained by the ratio between the ten Sefirot and eleven. See below. In the 4th chapter of the section “Disclosure of the root of the soul”, in particular the 8th note.

8. Please note that the Sefirot are divided into several groups. In the first group of Sefirot are arranged in three vertical lines, called simply the right line, the left line and the middle line. In the second group there is a horizontal division: the Sefirot are divided into eight floors, or the main layers, one above the other, with some of them consists of oneSefirot , as part of the two. Furthermore, these layers being connected in subgroups, forming an additional horizontal split into five sections based on the structure according to Kabbalah human and written in the right part of the circuit.

9. For those who want to deepen their knowledge in the Sefirot add here that they correspond to the three additional Kabbalistic Built:

  •  powers of the soul, expressing the inner content of the Sefirot
  • letters of the name Ãvaye , proper names of the Most High;
  • system partzufim (images, “faces”), is the “archetypes”, reflecting the various “masculine” and “feminine” qualities.

Below is the correspondence of these three systems (for some of them we’ll come back and take a closer look at the future in different notes):



Inner aspect of Sefirot


First Name




Symbols Partzuf (image, “face”)







emunah (faith)


taanug (pleasure)


Ratzon (Will, desire)








Atik-Yomin –


inner aspect of Keter


AA-Anpin –


the external aspect of Keter








(Suspension itself)





































and Av
















(“Bin” – “son”)






ir ‘ and


(Fear, awe)








(Mercy, compassion)




(Victory, eternity)




 (Confidence, trust)




(Recognition, appreciation)
















(The power of the kingdom)










(“Bat” – “daughter”)


Please note that Keter, Hochma and Bina are hidden (or implicit) aspects of the divine model of the Tree of Life, while the seven lower sefirot are open (or explicit) of its aspects.For a more detailed and advanced study of all these correspondences see. Our book ” Sod Hashem leir’av “, Chapter 1:” The community of ten Sefirot in the Name Ãvaye “part 1-19.

10. Gematria expression Etz Chaim עץ החיים (Tree of Life) is equal to 233 . This number is very unusual, it belongs to the so-called Fibonacci series in mathematics, in which each relation between each pair of adjacent numbers is committed to the so-called “golden section”. The number 233 is 13 -th in this series. In the book ” Einav Brachot beheshbon “(in the Introduction), we explained why, according to Hasidism, Fibonacci numbers should be called” the number of love. ” Thus, the numerical value of the word and the Av אהבה , “love” is equal to 13 ; Thus, the gematria of expression Etz Chaim עץ החיים is the number of “love” ( 13 th in a row, counting the first) within the series “The numbers of Love” (1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 233 377 610 987 …) ! This means that, although the model tree of life and can be used in an infinite number of spheres of life, its numeric value indicates that he has a special connection with the sphere of love, that is the Tree of Life is very suitable for the expression of love.

11. The choice of the ideal line of love helps us to understand the quotation from the Mishnah, “with five years – to begin the study of the Pentateuch, with ten – Mishna …” etc.(Mishnah, Tractate Avot 5, 21). According to Ari, this procedure takes place just for “new souls” (those of us for whom this first incarnation), but it is not suitable for people whose souls are many strayed, wandering through the complex maze of life (like most of us), and so we were forced to take less direct routes. Likewise, we can say that the Tree of love exhibited in this book describes the development of love in “new souls.” But deep down, everyone should strive to be like a “new heart” as far as possible – that is, according to their ability to clean itself from conscious and unconscious experiences of previous incarnations, which only hinder the development and guileless and pure love.

12. Another possibility is to define a bean as a “reflection” of the senses. According to our sages, “the heart understands” (Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Berachot 61.1), according to the prophet ( Yeshayahu 6, 10), “and his heart will understand.”

13. Despite the fact that the Tree of Life is, in fact, an inverted tree, the processes occurring in it, flowing in both directions – both top-down, from the roots to the fruits and the bottom up, from the fruit to the roots. This rule includes both the relationship between God and creation, and the relationship between body and soul.

Stream of Life , descending from God to the world of the Tree – or from the root of the soul to the body – called Ohr Yashar אור ישר , ( direct light ). The opposite flow rising from the world to God, – or from the body to the soul – called Ohr Hozer אור חוזר , ( reflected light ).

14. In fact, according to the Baal Shem Tov-love penetrates all three levels of being called olamot עולמות (worlds), Neshamot נשמות (soul) and Elokut אלוקות (Divinity) as follows:

  •  olamot עולמות (worlds): love is the inner essence of the Sefira Hesed , the first of the seven lower sefirot , corresponding to the first Saturday after the day of the week (as well as the first day of creation, called the Pentateuch yom echad יום אחד and has the same gematria as well Ava אהבה , love). On this day it is said that all things, in fact, have been created in this day and only have been placed on their seats in the next few days (Rashi on Genesis 1, 14). This means that everything was created with love, as it is said in the Psalms of King David (89, 3), “the world is built with love.” In Kabbalah explains about the first day that he was constantly “accompanied” by all the other days of the week ( Etz Chaim , 25, 2), ie, the basis of love extends to the entire creation of God.
  • Neshamot נשמות (soul): Hasidism explains that love – a “breath of life” that can connect the soul into a coherent whole (see. “The gates of love and desire,” p. 37, in accordance with the ” well-Yom Yom “26 – e Shevat).
  • Elokut אלוקות (Divinity): There are a number of qualities in a word and Av אהבה , which bind her c Gd. First of all, the word and the Av אהבה interpreted as an abbreviation of the expression and op-Kadosh Baruch at א ור ה קדוש ב רוך ה וא, (Holy Light Blessed be He) – that is the Almighty Himself. Second, the word and the Avאהבה – a variation of proper names of Gd , Ãvaye י-הוה when the letters י and ו – are replaced by letters א and ב . Gematria of the word and the Av אהבה equal to 13, as well as the word echad אחד , one – symbolizes the unity of God. The very own name is gematria 26, that is twice as Av אהבה , symbolizing love 2: the groom to the bride and groom to the bride (see .: “The gates of love and desire,” the article Love: Ohr-Kadosh Baruch at א ור ה קדוש ב רוך ה וא, str.93-108).

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